Game Time!

Not that long ago, I used to be a very avid gamer. That was in the BW/BC period of my life (BeforeWife/BeforeChildren). As a general rule, I simply don’t have the time for it anymore. When time allows, I give my Wii a bit of love. However, I hate most of the games for the system, so I either find myself playing old 8-bit / 16-bit emulation games or continue slogging my way through RE4 (love it, and have played it far too much). I recently picked up Coduit, and I’m a bit disappointed. A nice concept that falls flat on it’s face, and is just as pretty as it is vacuous. The controls are very nice, however…

Lately, I’ve been playing some browser games to occupy myself in the mornings (i’m on a lot of 1 -2 hour conferance calls with european teams in the morning). These meetings don’t really require much from me other than an occasional clarification, so I find my mind drifting easily.

Legends of Zork

I’ve been playing this for a few months now, and I’m still on the fence about it. I guess I expected something more… Zork-like. Silly me. The game pretty much plays itself (much like a standard MMO, only you have a whopping 2 options… explore, or return to base… fighting and selling is done for you automatically…), and is slightly more exciting than Progress Quest… and half as amusing. Here are some sadly accurate comics on the gameplay:

http://somethingpositive.net/sp05102009.shtml

http://somethingpositive.net/sp05112009.shtml

And that’s pretty much it. Not really sure why I keep playing, other than I’m near the top of the leader board (220 something out of 40k), it’s mindless (which is great for me in the morning), and I’m curious to see if it goes anywhere. Like most games of this ilk, they never bother to build out any upper level content prior to release. They never thought we would move as fast as we did, I guess. The moral of the story: always have an endgame in mind. This goes for all of you silly book and screenplay authors as well. Damnit…

As a happy accident, I discovered something wonderful while reading a review of Legends of Zork on Rock Paper Shotgun: the brilliantly meaty Kingdom of Loathing!!! Simply put, one of the best games I have played in a decade. It’s a “fantasy” based text adventure, with limited graphics (mostly stick figures and such). If your cup of tea is sexual innuendo, potty humor, and obscure cultural references, this game is for you! The game has a high level of replayability (doubt that is even a word, but work with me here) as there are areas that can only be accessed by certain character classes, and items that can only be created by combinations of skills from different classes. I’m not normally an OCD type, but there are a lot of difficult to acheive trophies and items that have me totally hooked. I like the fact that you are limited to 40 “adventure points” per day, and that this can be augmented a bit by finding / crafting better equipment, crafting better food, and drinking better cocktails. Otherwise, I’d probably be playing the farking thing all day long, which is not so good for the whole productivity thing.

Did I mention it was funny? It is.

This is a golem made out of a loaf of bread. You find him crusty and his wit stale. Having thought the previous sentence, you almost hope he manages to kick your ass.

Or…

This swirling amorphous blob is actually the intersection of a higher-dimensional lifeform with our three-dimensional space. It’s pretty horrifying, but from its point of view, you’re probably not real pretty either. I mean, it can see inside your guts! Ew!

Or…

This room of the dungeon is dominated by a double-line of oversized, metal gloves. They raise themselves to the ceiling and slam into the floor, over and over again. You see an old man in a long robe and pointy hat standing in front of the gauntlet gauntlet and approach him. “Let me guess,” you say, “I have to walk through all those smashing gauntlets to get through here, right?”

“Yes, my child,” the wizard responds.

“Wow, looks like I’m going to take quite a beating. Can I have a snack or something first, to get my strength up?”

“Sorry,” he says, “there was some food, but that stupid valkyrie shot the food. It sucks, because this wizard needs food badly.”

Or…

In the center of this room sits a tiny table with a glass of water and two pills on it. Remember how your mother always told you not to take pills you find lying around in strange basements? No? You don’t remember that? Good.

Or…

This robot was designed to “help out” around the house. You know, say you’re a lonely housewife, and you’ve got a “light bulb” that needs “changed.” Or maybe your “drain” is clogged, and you need someone to “plumb” it. Or your “lawn” is covered in “leaves” that you need “raked.” Or your “kitchen door” is “loose” on its “hinges” and won’t stop “squeaking,” and you need someone to squirt “oil” in them over and over until you’re “satisfied” the job is done. He has plenty of “attachments” to handle every “situation.” So, y’know, he just does “odd jobs.” Why are you blushing?

You get the idea…

In the center of this room sits a tiny table with a glass of water and two pills on it. Remember how
your mother always told you not to take pills you find lying around in strange basements? No? You
don’t remember that? Good.In the center of this room sits a tiny table with a glass of water and two pills on it. Remember how your mother always told you not to take pills you find lying around in strange basements? No? You don’t remember that? Good.You get the idea. If you do decide to play, send me a message in game and I’ll hook you up with some meat and useless crap. I’m sure you can figure out my account name, if you try hard enough.
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