What I learned in 2009…

  1. Electricity hurts. Oddly, low voltage hurts more than high voltage. If the voltage is high enough, it just knocks your ass out.
  2. No matter where I am in the world, standing outside and smoking seems to be an invitation for odd conversations with odd people. I must have a very non-confrontational demeanor. Or I’m a freak magnet. I suspect the latter…
  3. You can, in fact, drink yourself stupider. See… told you so.
  4. There is very little you cannot accomplish with a Dremel. I would not try to us it for self applied dentistry, however. They should post that shit on the outside of the manual.
  5. That which does not kill you, makes you stronger… or gives you really bad diarrhea…
  6. Take a backup copy of your hard drive any time you travel. If your computer gets a virus while you are watching porn, is that technically an STD?
  7. United can suck a nut. Sadly, I now feel I’ve received excellent customer service when I receive a complimentary drink full of ice and micro-snack packet on other airlines. Never thought I would ever say this, but Horizon rocks. Two words: free beer. Suck it, United.
  8. The big B is surprisingly painless. Maybe it just seems painless after the phone call hell we entered when we stopped paying our creditors. Seriously, after 30 days the fuckers call non-stop. One night, B of A called my cell phone 17 times in 5 minutes. Nice. The credit companies are nothing compared to the collection agencies, however. Some of them use some surprising tactics that seem to ride the fine line of legality. Like tracking down people you lived with 10 years ago (in other states, no less), friends, family members, and even your damn neighbors. Nothing stops them unless you commit to the big B, and then it seems to stop instantaneously.
  9. On the same token, none of them will lift a finger to help you unless you are behind on your payments. Even if you forewarn them of impending financial trouble. Feeling overwhelmed? Can’t make your monthly amounts, or want a better rate? Just stop paying the jerks for a month or two. You would be surprised at the deals they are willing to cut you at that point.
  10. I’m really bad at keeping my blog updated with anything meaningful… or updated at all, for that matter.
  11. I love Ireland, and want to live there someday.
  12. Also, never try to out-drink the Irish. You will lose.
  13. Never, ever, put a cat on your head. It hurts real bad…
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