Archive for the Funny! Category

Riemann-Zeta Hypothesis

Posted in Funny! with tags on May 21, 2010 by hotpoo

Brilliant. I’ll be sending this out as my next Valentine’s day card.


Posted in Funny! with tags on March 25, 2010 by hotpoo

So, I finally finished The Gathering Storm, the 12th book in the Wheel of Time series. For you uninitiated, that’s about 12,000 pages of text (not counting the two very brief prequel novels ). Yeesh. I’ve been re-reading the entire series since sometime late last summer, and it took me about 8 months to finish the series. Bear in mind that I pretty much only read on the train in the morning, and while traveling. That being said, I think I made pretty good time.

About halfway through the series, I decided to begin reading the books electronically on my smart phone. The poor translation (OCR doesn’t always work so good), botched formatting, and uncomfortable reading platform were a worthwhile trade to the back-breaking weight of the books. I have the first 6 in paperback… the rest are hard bound, and are neither light or convenient to travel with. I am now a bit envious of people with Kindles, though. Not sure I could justify the price tag, but the temptation is rising. One more generation, and I might put some serious thought into it.

Pity Jordan had to die before his work was completed. Perhaps he could have finished if he had not been so thrice damned wordy. Seriously… he could have cut most of those books down by a third at least. Too many character, and too much wasted description on what the characters were wearing. I don’t care that Sir WhatsHisButt (whom we will only read of in this chapter and will  never see again) is wearing a silver and gem encrusted lace bow tie, green and sliver pleated pants, and glossy pointed boots with a broken left heel. Ok sure… throw that sort of thing in once in a while for pertinent character development, but not for every character. Nor do you need to throw in a brief synopsis of the storyline at the beginning of each book (by book 6, we should probably be pretty accustomed to both the story and the terminology). I could go on, but there is not point in beating a dead horse… or author. Sorry… couldn’t help myself. By the way, I fucking told you so, Goober.

I must say, I’m happy with the new author (Brandon Sandersen) and the direction he is taking with the story. His writing style meshes well, and he seems to be doing a very good job of driving this lumbering monstrosity of a plot towards a defined conclusion. A lot of loose ends have been tied up, some questions have been answered, and a lot of these annoying and useless character groups (Jordon would break to different groups at each chapter… when you’ve got as many as 10 different groups of characters in a single book, you begin to lose both momentum and your audience) have been either consolidated or eliminated. Here is hoping that Brandon can keep this up, and actually finish the series in two more books. This was only supposed to be a trilogy. Then it was only supposed to be a five book series… and then 8. I think someone lost sight of the end game around book 6.

If we get to 14, and suddenly it becomes a 15 book series, I’ll… well… I’ll probably continue to read. And grumble under my breath…

15 seconds of fame

Posted in Funny! with tags on March 24, 2010 by hotpoo

Part of me truly hates facebook. Stupid peer pressure. Stupid peers. I’ve gotten reacquainted with several old friends, so I guess that’s worth the price of admission. One of my old college buddies was actually in a Daily Show skit. It’s an old one, but still funny. See if you can spot my buddy Scott! Hint: he’s the most normal one of the interviewees…

Ah… brings back memories of all the stupid things we did in college… the ones I remember, anyway.

Hey! I have a blog!

Posted in Funny! with tags on March 24, 2010 by hotpoo

Ha ha. Silly me. I totally forgot about this thing.

Actually, that’s not true. Things have been quite chaotic for the past couple of months. I have:

  • Completed my first Advanced Microscopy course.
  • Got shackled to the factory floor until two more or built. Nothing says quality control like building something in half the time it should take. Can you say “Drastic shortcuts?” I knew that you could. All of this to add a few more clams to our end of quarter bookings. Are you happy now, Mr. Investor? Well, are you?
  • Finished moving into the mother-in-laws. That’s right. One big happy family. Mom in law, cranky pregnant wife, 5 year old, 3 cats, 1 dog (that thinks he is a 75lbs cat), and me. I do believe I have discovered the 10th circle of hell.
  • Didn’t get all the stuff moved out of the old place before some crack-head broke in. Lost pretty much all of my interconnect cables for the computer, power supplies, war driving kit, digital surround set, and other computer goodies. That stuff annoys me, but it’s just stuff. The crap that I’m really missing now is a sea turtle shell that was given to my wife, and my SS card. Doh! Stupid me. While I wish anyone luck that wishes to use this information (go ahead, steal my fucking identity… please), I still had to put our a fraud alert. Ah well. This is about the best time it could happen to me anyway.

It’s starting to quiet down now, which means the other shoe should drop right about… now. Waiting to get catapulted on a plane to far away places to achieve impossible goals…

The Embarrassing Episode of Little Miss Muffet

Posted in Funny! with tags on February 15, 2010 by hotpoo

The Embarrassing Episode of Little Miss Muffet
Guy Wetmore Carryl

Little Miss Muffet discovered a tuffet,
(Which never occurred to the rest of us)
And, as ’twas a June day, and just about noonday,
She wanted to eat–like the best of us:
Her diet was whey, and I hasten to say
It is wholesome and people grow fat on it.
The spot being lonely, the lady not only
Discovered the tuffet, but sat on it.

A rivulet gabbled beside her and babbled,
As rivulets always are thought to do,
And dragon flies sported around and cavorted,
As poets say dragon flies ought to do;
When, glancing aside for a moment, she spied
A horrible sight that brought fear to her,
A hideous spider was sitting beside her,
And most unavoidably near to her!

Albeit unsightly, this creature politely Said:
“Madam, I earnestly vow to you,
I’m penitent that I did not bring my hat.
I Should otherwise certainly bow to you.”
Thought anxious to please, he was so ill at ease
That he lost all his sense of propriety,
And grew so inept that he clumsily stept
In her plate–which is barred in Society.

This curious error completed her terror;
She shuddered, and growing much paler, not
Only left tuffet, but dealt him a buffet
Which doubled him up in a sailor knot.
It should be explained that at this he was pained:
He cried: “I have vexed you, no doubt of it!
Your fists’s like a truncheon.” “You’re still in my luncheon,”
Was all that she answered. “Get out of it!”

And the Moral is this: Be it madam or miss
To whom you have something to say,
You are only absurd when you get in the curd
But you’re rude when you get in the whey.

Happy Valentine’s, you filthy animals.

Posted in Funny! with tags on February 14, 2010 by hotpoo

Ain't dat da troof...

Who are you callin’ a cootie queen, you lint licker?

Posted in Funny! with tags on January 15, 2010 by hotpoo

A couple of my favorite commercials from last year. I watch way too much television to actually have favorite commercials, I guess.

Two Gentlemen of Lebowski

Posted in Funny! with tags on January 12, 2010 by hotpoo

The Big Lebowski, rewritten as a Shakespearean play. Two words: simply brilliant.

New Years Resolution Addendum

Posted in Funny! with tags on January 8, 2010 by hotpoo

Dear Diary,

In lieu of recent unpleasantries, I have decided to add some additional items regarding flight travel to my list of New Years Resolutions:

  1. I will discontinue informing stewardesses that I have an “explosive device” in my underpants. Sadly, that was my last good line.
  2. I will cease grabbing my crotch at the security line, and stating loudly, “God, this shit is really uncomfortable!”
  3. I will no longer ask my seat-mates if I can borrow a lighter or some matches before I step into the plane lavatory.

Thank you. That is all.

Bwaa ha ha haaaa…

Posted in Funny! with tags on January 6, 2010 by hotpoo

Funnies for today:

Aw shucks. Thanks Sean!

That's right. Directly from my cerebellum.