The Embarrassing Episode of Little Miss Muffet

Posted in Funny! with tags on February 15, 2010 by hotpoo

The Embarrassing Episode of Little Miss Muffet
Guy Wetmore Carryl

Little Miss Muffet discovered a tuffet,
(Which never occurred to the rest of us)
And, as ’twas a June day, and just about noonday,
She wanted to eat–like the best of us:
Her diet was whey, and I hasten to say
It is wholesome and people grow fat on it.
The spot being lonely, the lady not only
Discovered the tuffet, but sat on it.

A rivulet gabbled beside her and babbled,
As rivulets always are thought to do,
And dragon flies sported around and cavorted,
As poets say dragon flies ought to do;
When, glancing aside for a moment, she spied
A horrible sight that brought fear to her,
A hideous spider was sitting beside her,
And most unavoidably near to her!

Albeit unsightly, this creature politely Said:
“Madam, I earnestly vow to you,
I’m penitent that I did not bring my hat.
I Should otherwise certainly bow to you.”
Thought anxious to please, he was so ill at ease
That he lost all his sense of propriety,
And grew so inept that he clumsily stept
In her plate–which is barred in Society.

This curious error completed her terror;
She shuddered, and growing much paler, not
Only left tuffet, but dealt him a buffet
Which doubled him up in a sailor knot.
It should be explained that at this he was pained:
He cried: “I have vexed you, no doubt of it!
Your fists’s like a truncheon.” “You’re still in my luncheon,”
Was all that she answered. “Get out of it!”

And the Moral is this: Be it madam or miss
To whom you have something to say,
You are only absurd when you get in the curd
But you’re rude when you get in the whey.

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Happy Valentine’s, you filthy animals.

Posted in Funny! with tags on February 14, 2010 by hotpoo

Ain't dat da troof...

Who are you callin’ a cootie queen, you lint licker?

Posted in Funny! with tags on January 15, 2010 by hotpoo

A couple of my favorite commercials from last year. I watch way too much television to actually have favorite commercials, I guess.

Wait…

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on January 12, 2010 by hotpoo

Wait, by Sarah McLaughlin

Under a blackened sky
far beyond the glaring streetlights
sleeping on empty dreams
the vultures lie in wait
You lay down beside me then
you were with me every waking hour
so close I could feel your breath

When all we wanted was the dream
to have and to hold that precious little thing
like every generation yields
the new born hope unjaded by their years

Pressed up against the glass
I found myself wanting sympathy
but to be consumed again
oh I know would be the death of me
and there is a love that’s inherently given
a kind of blindness offered to appease
and in that light of forbidden joy
oh I know I won’t receive it

When all we wanted was the dream
to have and to hold that precious little thing
like every generation yields
the newborn hope unjaded by their years

You know if I leave you now
it doesn’t mean that I love you any less
it’s just the state I’m in
I can’t be good to anyone else like this

When all we wanted was the dream
to have and to hold that precious little thing
like every generation yields
the new born hope unjaded by their years…

Two Gentlemen of Lebowski

Posted in Funny! with tags on January 12, 2010 by hotpoo

The Big Lebowski, rewritten as a Shakespearean play. Two words: simply brilliant.

VMware Server 2.0.x on Ubuntu 9.10

Posted in Science and Technology with tags on January 8, 2010 by hotpoo

All you need to know is here: http://radu.cotescu.com/2009/10/30/how-to-install-vmware-server-2-0-x-on-ubuntu-9-10-karmic-koala/. Works perfectly… much better than banging my head against the keyboard.

New Years Resolution Addendum

Posted in Funny! with tags on January 8, 2010 by hotpoo

Dear Diary,

In lieu of recent unpleasantries, I have decided to add some additional items regarding flight travel to my list of New Years Resolutions:

  1. I will discontinue informing stewardesses that I have an “explosive device” in my underpants. Sadly, that was my last good line.
  2. I will cease grabbing my crotch at the security line, and stating loudly, “God, this shit is really uncomfortable!”
  3. I will no longer ask my seat-mates if I can borrow a lighter or some matches before I step into the plane lavatory.

Thank you. That is all.