Archive for Turn right where exactly?

Navigation failure.

Posted in Funny! with tags on September 13, 2009 by hotpoo

I like to plan ahead for trips. Must have something to do with my unofficial OCD. I’ve never been to an area before, I’ll examine maps, review driving directions, print out maps, and come up with “The Game Plan.” I mean well… I really do. However, I have no real sense of direction on the road. On foot, my direction sense is pretty spot on. Once I step into a car, though, I may as well put on blinders. Until I associate landmarks with directions, I’m hopelessly lost.

So, I’m here in Fishkill, NY to repair a dead EFEM on our lamella extraction system. It was cheaper for me to fly into La Guardia instead of Newark, so I opted to just drive myself up. This is my first time to the NY area, so I took some time to research the area and get my map on. I was reasonably confident in my pre-planning. All was well until I was about 50 feet from the Enterprise parking lot. “Turn left? But it’s a one way? Turn right where? Wha?” Lost already, and not even 5 minutes into my trip. I pulled over, looked over all my maps, and decided that I wasn’t going to be able to figure out a new route on my own. Being a bit punch-drunk from being up at 3:30am probably didn’t help either. Anyway, thank the technology gods for phones with GPS and my good friend, Mr. Google Maps Mobile. Sattelite signals were acquired, and new directions were calculated. The drive was resumed in good faith, until I lost my way again. Guess I need to work on the whole “following directions” thing. I somehow ended up in the Bronx off the parkway. Not a big deal. Once again, trip was recalculated, and sense of direction re-established. On a side note, one should not operate one’s cell phone while driving. Especially when one is not so good at multi-tasking.

Then I hit the toll bridge. Shitstupdshit. I suddenly remembered the thing I was trying to remember all day: GET CASH! No, the don’t take cards, and 3 measly meat is not enough. After a very brief embarrassing conversation with the grumpy Transit Authority guy (feel bad for them… looks like a crap job to me), I was off… with a 2 dollar fine. Great. Now I owe them $7.50. Good thing it was brief and he was armed… the Yerkers behind me were going ballistic with the delay.

The phone took me on a pretty nice drive up Hywy 9. Pretty area with some very cool old houses. However, how in the name of Jumping Jebus do you Yurkers find your way around when there are NO signs telling you what towns are in the direction you are travelling, and how far away they are? Seriously! Just a couple of “Yonkers – 5 miles” or “Fishkill – 30 miles” signs would be more than sufficient. And how about a sign letting you know when you’ve crossed into a town? You know, like “Now entering Poopoopeepeepski – Pop 15” or something? I didn’t even know I was in farking Fishkill until I was 2 miles in. “Hey, isn’t that my hotel?” *screeeeee… U-Turned!*

Nice area, though. Hope I get a chance to check out a bit of it. I wouldn’t be opposed to going into the city, but some other dumb ass is going to drive. As it is, I’m planning on leaving here by 5am to catch a 9am flight. I’m sure that will give me enough time to get lost at least twice. As it is, I’m giving myself a D+ for navigation and preparation today. I at least made it to my destination, and didn’t wreck the car. I’ll take a little credit for that.


–side note–!

United Air can eat a dick. $20 to check a bag? $6 for a box of chips, cheese spread,  nasty meat, and 2 oreo cookies? Seriously?!? Even Horizon has free snacks and COMPLIMENTARY BEER (at least it used to be… probably isn’t anymore)! Never again, United. Never again…